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the history of emotions blog conversations about the history of feeling from www.qmul.ac.uk/emotions search main menu skip to primary content skip to secondary content home about the history of emotions blog post navigation ← older posts what to do in a spiritual emergency posted on june 15, 2018 by jules evans last month i organized an event on ‘what to do in a spiritual emergency’ –you can see videos of the talks here. three of my friends spoke bravely and lucidly about their own experiences – psychotherapist and film-maker anna beckmann, poet and transformational coach louisa tomlinson, and tai-chi teacher anthony fidler – and dr tim read, a wonderfully wise and compassionate psychiatrist, gave us his perspective. it felt great to talk openly and sympathetically about still feels quite a taboo topic – spirituality in general is a bit of a dirty word in the very secular uk (especially in academia), and spiritual crises are even less often discussed. i wrote about this topic in the art of losing control , and it’s become particularly important to me after the mini-crisis i had last year, following my ayahuasca retreat. a friend referred to it as a ‘breakdown’ this week, which didn’t feel quite right, because it was also something beautiful and healing. so what does ‘spiritual emergency’ mean exactly, and what can we do when they occur? there is an overlap between spiritual / religious / ecstatic experiences, and psychosis. psychiatry has historically viewed all religious experiences as pathological, labelling them ‘hysteria’, ‘ego-regression’ or ‘psychosis’ and ignoring any positive aspects. that’s partly because psychiatrists have tended to be anti-religious secular materialists, battling the church for authority over the care of souls. however, some psychologists (and a few psychiatrists) have suggested an experience can be both spiritual and quasi-psychotic. this ‘transpersonal’ perspective was put forward by psychologists and thinkers like frederic myers, william james, carl jung, aldous huxley, ram dass and stanislaf grof – who coined the term ‘spiritual emergency’ and brought out an excellent anthology with that title in 1980. a spiritual emergency involves the sudden collapse of one’s habitual ego and customary sense of reality, and an opening to a different reality (which one could call the subconscious, or the archetypal layer, or the dream-world, or alternatively the self or god – it’s a movement both downwards and upwards). it can involve a powerful sense of connection to all things, perhaps a transcending of time, space and matter, and a deep sense of meaning and awe. and it can also be extremely messy, painful, terrifying and dangerous, and have psychosis-like features like mania, ego-inflation, insomnia, voices, visions, ontological uncertainty and emotional disturbance. but unlike a psychotic illness, it can be a transition to growth, if handled sensitively. anthony told us: ‘it’s easy to get an idea of the life journey as a tidy evolution. but there’s another way humans grow, through revolution. the personality structure that’s evolved through childhood builds up like a building. and at some point in life it can be healthy for that to collapse. it can be a moment of growth, a journey forwards. but it doesn’t look like that. it looks like a piece of shit.’ anna told us of her experience in her twenties: ‘it was the most horrifying experience i ever had, and also the most awesome.’ louisa said: ‘a spiritual emergency is when there’s an opening between the two worlds – the spiritual and the material – but it happens without maps or guides. what could be a successful integration into a larger self and reality becomes instead intensely terrifying, a failed initiation, which instead of leading to transformation, leads to fragmentation and sometimes to annihilation.’ what are the triggers? both anna and louisa spoke of how unresolved trauma was a trigger for their spiritual emergencies. for me too, the turbulence i felt after my ayahuasca retreat was partly a resurfacing of trauma from my late teens and early 20s. trauma seems to create an ego structure that is more prone to what tim read calls ‘high archetypal penetrance’ (hap) states – the subconscious and the transpersonal or spiritual dimension gets through the cracks easier. there may also be a genetic predisposition to altered states – you might have some genes in your family that predispose you to schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, which make you schizotypal without necessarily developing into a psychotic disorder. one notes that in some cultures, shamanism is considered an inherited ability, as are psychic powers – a tendency to absorption or dissociation gets passed through the genes, and this can lead to creativity and insight as well as disturbance, eccentricity and illness. more immediate triggers include being physically isolated from one’s friends and family. my crisis occurred when i was in south america, lou’s when she was alone in dartmoor, anna’s when she was in new york, anthony’s when he was in china. tim has written about a near-crisis he had while travelling in india. such crises can occur at moments of difficult transition – going to university, say, or breaking up from a long-term relationship. and then there are triggers like not eating or sleeping properly, or going on a spiritual retreat, or taking drugs. tim says he has often encountered people who’ve had spiritual crises after attending spiritual retreats – he writes about this in his excellent book walking shadows: archtypes and psyche in crisis and growth , and notes that retreats often shift people’s egos but fail to help them integrate their experience in the days and weeks afterwards. what does a spiritual emergency feel like? both lou, anthony and anna spoke of a feeling of ego dissolution accompanied by physical dissolution – they felt they went out of their bodies, and the material world seems to dissolve. i had a similar experience on ayahuasca, as many do. it is terrifying, because you don’t know if you’ll come back, so i can’t imagine what it’s like to experience that for several days or weeks. but i wonder, too, if this dissolution of the ego and material reality is an insight into the actual nature of things – buddhists say we perceive the world as made up of separate solid things (me, the table) where actually there is a continuum of energy. buddhist monks try to get to a state where you go beyond the perception of solid things. but it is terrifying if that happens when you’re not ready for it. the rebel powers that do thee assay by charles sims there’s also a collapse of boundaries – between the self and other people (can you read my thoughts, can i pick up your feelings and thoughts?); between you and the world (‘i can control traffic lights or even world events with my mind, it’s all connected to me’); between dream and reality. anthony suggests we have at least two types of consciousness – a movie camera that projects waking reality, and a movie camera that projects our dreams. and in psychotic episodes, these two movies overlap, so the mythical movie of the dream-world gets superimposed on reality. both anna, lou and anthony had strong archetypal aspects to their experiences – religious imagery, messages, a sense of cosmic significance to their thoughts and acts. there can be intense surges of energy, powerful gusts of emotion, lights, visions, voices. and there’s a deep ontological uncertainty. anthony says he didn’t know if he was dead, or in some sort of altered bardo state. that was the same for me – for a week, i couldn’t work out if i was dreaming or in the afterlife. in tim’s book, some of his case studies also don’t know if they’re dead or in heaven. it’s common on powerful psychedelic experiences to think you’re either dead or about to die. the ego interprets its dissolution as actual death. you find yourself still conscious and in some reality, but you can’t take anything for gran

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